Cocktale Hour

 Deep, Deep discussions on the Ukraine crisis and how that translates to our own potential civil war. If you have Putin's cell number, let us know. Check out our Patreon.com/CocktaleHour.

 100 Episodes, who would have thought? We had plans for a big call in show, but it didn't work out for us this week. However we are announcing our Patreon page if you want to donate. www.Patreon.com/cocktalehour or just send us an email or whatever. Oh, and if you know a billionaire that wants our personal advice, we'll have them on the show.

 Don't order a crab enchilada if you can help it and if you can support Neil somehow, do it. Just remember that if you give up Spotify, we're still available on Apple, iheart radio, Google Play and others that I forget. Next time is our 100th episode so hold tight.

 I'm working on a book of 100 things that you need to know and Danny and Kelly offer up some tips, and we dive deep into the invention of butt plugs...go figure. Don't forget to write in with any life questions that you need answered. CocktaleHour@yahoo.com.

 Dave joins us as we talk about our favorite fish snacks, Covid penis, and blow up dolls. Kelly talks about high school and Danny's laments how his truck dealership is in maintenance only mode on Saturdays. 

Happy 2022! We are all about good times, so here are some tips to having fun with your anti-vax friends and we talk about the sad end that awaits a prized pig. Enjoy!

 I guess this is our 2021 Christmas Episode, so what better to talk about than the Clone-A-Willy kit? The gift that keeps on giving. We're wrapping up 2021, here's to an exciting 2022!

 What do you learn from a nationwide trip? That people are people wherever you go and that the right wing gun lovers have better stickers than peaceful people. We are back at it with a post Thanksgiving episode and welcoming the start of the holiday season. Buy experiences, not fast fashion y'all!

 We are back after a hiatus. John is traveling America as he prepares for his presidential run and Danny and Kelly hold down the fort back home. Join us for more insights and wisdom!

Kelly came up with this week's episode. It's catchy and a great way to welcome us back from an early Fall hiatus!

 In this episode we talk about how hard it is to find positivity in today's world, dealing with people that think differently, and whether dewormer could cure cancer.

 Simone and Scarlett have been getting some tough press this week and at the end of the day, they were just taking care of themselves. We continue to take care of you, our listener, by departing some tough truths like if you win the lottery, don't tell anyone.

 Is taking a picture of your feet and selling it to freaks porn? We investigate these tough issues, ghosts, talk about the housing economy and why Kelly falls asleep at 9:30.

 From creating controversial Hobby Lobby word art to convincing your Trump-loving neighbor to get vaccinated, we continue to supply great ideas. Now its time to turn a profit!

 This week we have a special 4th of July episode. We talk about Danny reducing clutter and how Kelly should go on a tour of small towns posing as Jesus. John is just back from a funeral and gives some hot tips on estate planning when you have too many guns.

 We discuss a death in the family, funeral preparations as well as tater tot casserole. John brings up some sketchy buses that are giving rural America some whacky information.

  We argue about whether Bezos should pay more taxes and the plight of the American worker because of rich dudes. The Queen sat alone at her husband's funeral, which the Crown Season 3 clearly alludes to, so why don't they hook up? Is it too soon?

Welcome to Episode 82 where John declares that he should run for President. How else will America heal? Danny tells his favorite scrotum cutting story and Kelly helps us understand that the sport of curling could be the answer to poverty. Got a problem? Tell us, we'll listen. CocktaleHour@yahoo.com.

If it's not one thing it's another. This week we talk about John's toad dream and how it is time to shine. It's tough to be shiny when Danny's leg hurts and he wonders if he could go 24 hours without his phone. Join us for our Easter episode with no mention of religion whatsoever. 

Coronavirus shots and weeding out your friend list, old folks homes, the awesome idea to stop immigrant boats at the border and the Reparation AR-15...where else are you going to hear things like this? Cocktalehour@yahoo.com or @cocktalehour if you want to contact us.

Seabiscuit was one of the greatest racing horses of all time. Danny sees him as a spirit animal and Kelly has a story about horse hygiene... Danny also tells us about Jimmy the Shooter, and how he sent him up the river. John covers the points you need to have a successful podcast and how we don't really cover any of them. Tame a moment to rate and review our podcast will you? Also reach out with questions - we have a lot of advice to give.

 Happy Saint Patrick's Day! Here's the kind of quality you can expect from Cocktale Hour. Enjoy our teaser!

  John is back this week and we talk about tires, transmission and that Kelly met Megan Markle on set. She should have watched The Crown before she got married. I wouldn't have done it. Contact us on Twitter or by e-mail for comments or questions that you need answered!

Dave is back with more stories to tell about life, love and the pursuit of...a good peep show? Hold on to your hats as Dave, Kelly and Danny bust John's chops and take you on a journey.

Custom vans were great and Danny loved creeping around in his. Kelly wants to make a new movie, and John's advice is to make sure this one is full of nudity. Time to check in with us at cocktalehour@yahoo.com or on Twitter @Cocktalehour. We're happy to put our knowledge to use for you!

  During the great Texas snowpocalypse, Ted Cruz crossed the border into Mexico. Jokes aside, how could his wife let this happen? We talk about the rat nest in Danny's mom's car and welding as a skill. Send us a note and I'll give you info on my buddy's firepit if you want to order one. cocktalehour@yahoo.com and on twitter @cocktalehour.

 Time to Rebuild America! Apply here for us to move our kids to your town to make it fun and profitable. We get energized about our new reality show idea and how we could still have a chance to make it in Hollywood!

  2021, the year of What Would Danny Do? What if he would have been the 1 Billion Dollar Powerball winner? What would Kelly do if he won so much money that he'd need a security team, and would any amount of money make John more of an A-hole, or do you just get that for free? Remember to follow us on twitter or drop us a line at Cocktalehour@yahoo.com!

  New York, the big apple, land of dirty sidewalks and one of Danny's favorites. We talk about some Netflix show and drag queens this week. Don't forget to follow us on Twitter and express all your complaints freely!

Dave joins us and talks about Neil Young and Budweiser. Also, The Shroud of Kelly, and From Hearse to Hole are some of the ideas we need to get T-shirts printed upfor right away. Contact us on Twitter at CocktaleHour for a sticker!

Happy sedition week! Who are Danny's favorite domestic terrorists, and will there be collectible trading cards? We get deep into QAnon, politics, and why you shouldn't break into the Capitol and taze yourself in the testicles. Listen and learn how to get extra vitamin D from Danny's daughter. We always said we were about education!

Happy 2021 everyone! Stay safe in the new year, have fun, and don't forget to keep listening to Cocktale Hour. We talk about how to make it in Hollywood, splitting the atom and a good Alabama joke. Got a good joke to tell next time? Drop us a line at cocktalehour@yahoo.com  

It is what it is, the end of 2020. What the hell else are we going to talk about? Thanks for as good a 2020 that we could have hoped for and don't forget to contact us on Twitter at Cocktalehour.

 From ocean baptism to ice fishing, we cover a number of outdoor activities as we get ready for Christmas. At least we're not in Canada where a moose will get ya. Follow us on twitter at CocktaleHour or send us an email...or just keep it to yourself! Happy Holidays!

 Covid cases are at a high and the President is rage-tweeting. What are we concerned about? Strippers! Who is supporting them now that the clubs are closed? In an unrelated topic, we talk about Danny's Mom and how she just made it back from the hospital. Also, it is totally logical that we are so popular with the ladies. Also, don't forget to check out festivusmemories.com!

Danny's mom is a strong Christian woman, but his physical still went well. John is trying to register his car from Canada and Kelly's wife is coming home next week! 

John is back home, Danny has a new truck and needs refrigerator repair and Kelly gets his wife back soon. Happy Holidays listeners! Special shoutout this week to John's cousin Marie. Got a comment or complaint, email us at cocktalehour@yahoo.com.

The election is over and we have a new president. What will the transition hold, does anyone care? Let's dig in to our opinions. Disagree? Hit us up on twitter at cocktalehour!

 Listen to this episode to hear about the Coronavirus, the Presidential Campaign and how having Chad on the Supreme Court could make all the difference, Remember, you heard it here first.

Kelly is going to stop watching the news and wait for people to tell him if there is something to worry about. Danny is planning a big move to Nelson, New Zealand but probably hasn't told his family the news yet. John is missing the original Van Halen lineup. If you are a candidate for office in November, you just have a few days left for us to answer your questions so hurry!

 It is our 60th episode and we comment on the Coronavirus takeover of the White House and ask whatever happened to the family-owned shoe store. Join us for a trip down memory lane with the best intro song ever. Don't forget to follow us on Twitter and we'll answer any question you have!

John reveals that he is 1% Native American from Ancestry.com. He also reveals that it is incredibly difficult to find a picture of Native Americans that isn't diminutive.   Also, you better reach out soon because Danny is going off the grid...just don't tell Google.

From smoggy LA of 1977 to Smoky LA of 2020, we're covering the finer points of how to live and die in LA, or in Kelly's case, escape to Canada. Don't forget to follow us on Twitter at Cocktalehour!

Today we celebrate Kelly being optimistic! He's back in America and ready to party. We talk about whether Danny will look like Ron Jeremy if he doesn't get a haircut, and how much do we need to put in our freezer. Remember to follow us on Twitter at Cocktalehour! Special thanks to Dave C., a composer buddy for making the intro and outro this week. I was inspired to add it because I enjoyed Madea Family Funeral so much.

It's our first International podcast, and this week we welcome back our buddy Dave who completes our coverage of North America. We talk about Canadian coronavirus, Danny's memory foam fetish and of course, Lori Laughlin's sentencing. 

History lessons leave a lot to be desired. Do you remember anything about Napolean? You would if your History teacher told you the hemorrhoid story. Between that, and Kelly moving to Canada next week, we've got a helluva show this week. Follow us on Cocktalehour on the Twitterverse for more.

Nothing matters anymore, that's John's premise. Go ahead and vote for Trump, take off your mask, whatever you want to do. Maybe t doesn't matter anymore. If you think it does, contact us at CocktaleHour@yahoo.com or cocktalehour on Twitter.

Lets talk about toxic masculinity and how Danny and John struggle with managing wildlife in an urban setting. It's hard for guys to have fun on this 4th of July. 

There is a lot going on in the world today. We discuss the 13th Amendment, Confederate statues, and what we can do to make the world a little bit better. Contact us on Twitter at Cocktalehour to voice your opinion.

We’re still in the thick of the COVID-19 crisis and Kelly shares his happiest moment from 90 days of lockdown. We talk viruses and fear as well as what we’re learning from the Black Lives Matter protests. Follow us on Twitter @ Cocktalehour.

We're back with the 50th episode! Halfway to a hundred and still kicking. Thanks for joining us on this ride. This week we talk about solar panels, Kim Jong Un's body double, Danny's homeowner warranty, and the typical bad language and jokes. Contact us on Twitter at CocktaleHour or by e-mail at CocktaleHour@yahoo.com.

Although some may have thought high school to be an example of a hereditary dictatorship like North Korea, we kind of liked it. John predicts the rise of a new N. Korean leader and we try not to talk about the stupid virus. Contact us on Twitter to get your questions answered!

This week is our first without Kelly so John recruited his daughter for the first female appearance on the podcast. Sarah has listened to every episode and is not at all shocked to hear the tale of Danny’s missing crown and how he's trying to find it. We also recruited Coleman from the band Coast Modern to make this week’s theme music, and its pretty damn good. Contact us on Twitter @CocktaleHour or CocktaleHour@yahoo.com

On the Eve of Kelly's birthday, Danny proposes a contest for our world-wide listeners: Correctly guess the date that we go back into the studio to record with better sound, and win a prize. We talk about the shutdown, John's addiction to conspiracy theories and whether Kelly will ever open up shop again. Contact us on Twitter @Cocktalehour or Cocktalehour@yahoo.com.

Stinky Tofu is the number one dish in Taiwan if you trust the .003 seconds I spent Googling it. Also, we are celebrating the 45th episode with a tribute to our glorious 45th President and John tries to play the role of a Trump supporter. The quarantine takes its toll on all of us, but take this as a little levity to bring your way.

We are still stuck inside from the COVID-19 scare, so we got Dave on the line from NYC to talk about how things are. We also get a chance to experience Kelly's acting chops while he and John read a scene from Omega Man, a post-apocalyptic virus movie. Hang in there and reach out to us while you're bored: @cocktalehour on Twitter or cocktalehour@yahoo.com.

On a typical Saturday we gather in Kelly's studio and drink coffee while we offer insights to our listeners. Today we connected over the phone to help you, our shut in fans, pass the time in quarantine. We talk about the trials the virus has put on society and how many toilet paper rolls you actually need. Hopefully we're back to normal next week, but you can always reach us on @cocktalehour on Twitter or Cocktalehour@yahoo.com.

It's scary and it's here, but never fear, you can stay inside with your hoarded water and toilet paper and enjoy the soothing voices of Danny, Kelly and John. We talk about how our podcast can be a vehicle for women's empowerment, the power of prayer and another great business idea that we should be jumping on today! @cocktalehour on Twitter...send me a message and I'll mail you a sticker!

Happy Leap Day episode everyone! From George Washington’s teeth to Houston’s DJ Screw, we hit a variety of topics like taxidermy, steak, and that the coronavirus is all hype says John.  Follow us on Twitter at @cocktalehour.

Here is the trailer for Cocktale Hour.

John divulges that if they ever made a biopic about his life, the opening scene would be in a bleak forest, with a boy burying a pet. That's joy! Brad Pitt would play Danny, naturally. More fantastic business ideas like Irish Man, the mobile body washer for people.It's our fortieth episode so find out what we've learned about podcasting -namely, we're great at it. @cocktalehour on Twitter for more.

What do you do with your local empty mall? Fill it full of homeless people. This and other great ideas like filming a spectacular suicide for your loved ones are right here, on Cocktale Hour. Follow us on Twitter @CocktaleHour or cocktalehour@yahoo.com!

I have a little podcast called  Cocktale Hour that I run for about a dollar a month. I look at other services like Blubrry and Libsyn, and am shocked that they charge you for that service. I use a mix of antique, free services from Google and storage and delivery from Amazon. It is easy to use once you get the hang of it, and it struck me that maybe there is a need for someone to help podcasters out that don't want to pay for a subscription.  I can offer specific advice for what to do, but the whole thing looks like this: So, do you want some help or not?

Are you thinking about moving to Hollywood to make it as a actor, have no acting experience and not quite enough money to finance your own feature? We can help you make your dreams come true, that is if your dreams are to not do any of that mentioned above. Endless advice and wisdom on Cocktale Hour. Follow us on Twitter @CocktaleHour!

Kelly is workshopping his stand-up routine and Danny advises us on how to determine our hourly rate. I have to do some blog repairs and rant about billionaires. Watch out!

Dave is back for another visit, and tells us stories from the coal fields of Kentucky to lonely airline travel. We discuss politics, stand-up comedy, dumping jet fuel on schoolkids and the ins and outs of pussy hats. Remember to follow us on Twitter at CocktaleHour and by e-mail at Cocktalehour@yahoo.com.

It’s 2020 and we’re thirty-five episodes in. We respond to some listener mail, talk about loss and John’s long-standing passion for Pimento Cheese and how Danny and Kelly have never heard of it.

It's almost Christmas, so why is Kelly so grumpy? It took a story about an incontinent dog to cheer him up in our Holiday episode. We talk about our favorite Christmas gifts and Danny fondly remembers his 8-track player.

Val Salva is not your average 19th century butcher. No, it is something entirely different, and right up our alley. This is our Pearl Harbor Day episode and we're still looking for a sponsor. Contact us for sponsorship opportunities starting as low as 68 cents a month! @Cocktalehour on Twitter.

John's furnace is broken, Kelly's wife was asked to be in Playboy and Danny wrote a political joke, but can't tell it to save his life. Join us for this and more on the next...Cocktale Hour.

Are these the best workout shorts? Who cares and why? Join us as we talk about what kinds of things you shouldn't put on your Facebook feed and what Danny needs to learn in harassment training.

It's our 30th episode! The traditional gift is a pearl necklace, and that's all you need to know about that.

If Danny's wife passed away, what would he be in the market for and why? Would her name be Bambi or Gladys? If our wives hear this one, it could be our last. Oh yeah, there is some Ancestry.com stuff in here too. Remember to follow us on Twitter- the home of ridiculous Tweets.

CBD, Weed, making your own non-GMO blend...This week Danny wants to start growing pot just to see if he can. We also talk about good times in high school and does it carry over to being an adult. Remember to follow us on Twitter @cocktalehour.

Kelly threw his back out and we still did a show! John's camo Crocs are a fashion statement in the worst way possible, and Danny has more helpful advice for the twenty-nothings at work. While we're at it, let's celebrate that Downton Abbey was the top movie and there is still room for a lively zombie discussion.

They passed a law about going topless in some western states recently. What is the etiquette for holding a grocery store conversation with a topless grandma? Let's explore these issues together! Follow us on Twitter @cocktalehour

While Crocs might be God's gift to feet, the Travel Pant leaves much to be desired. Pair the two, and there's no way you'll get syphilis, trust me. Check us out on Twitter and maybe you can get a free sticker!

This week we talk about Jeffrey Epstein's suspicious prison suicide. Was he offed by the government, the victims of his blackmail or the thought of never going to his private island again. We may never know for sure, but we'll tell you what we think.

We're back! This week we talk about the feasibility of a hooker making a living on a cruise ship and whether John should run for president because no one is left. Don't forget to follow us on twitter at CocktaleHour or drop us a note at cocktalehour@yahoo.com.

It's all about Danny this week as he tells us the story of how his clutch cable broke on the way to work and meeting Robert Patrick, the villain in Terminator 2. Also, the one about the British bird that got away. Follow us on Twitter at Cocktale Hour!

CBD oil, where does it come from and is it effective? Why did it take so long to legalize Mary Jane and is there a social stigma to using it? Electric cars aren't that fun and who is going to invite us to a pool party next? Follow us on Twitter at Cocktale Hour!

They can't all be knee-slappers. This week we talk about whitewashing history and those controversial shoes. We discuss earthquake preparedness and when is it time to get out of California. Don't forget to follow us on Twitter!

The theme songs keep on coming! This week we have another special guest while Danny is away. Wyatt joins us for some stories about the lost art of cop shows and things we should have known in high school.

We're back after a two week hiatus, and while John tells Kelly about "Romantic Ireland," Danny asks the tough questions about what people do that they think is attractive, but isn't. There is an exciting new theme song and Jennifer is manning the booth today.

Danny is back this week and we talk about airplane flights and what happens when someone throws up with 14 hours left to fly. We also answer important questions about careers, investing and what good advice we received along the way. Don't forget to comment at cocktalehour@yahoo.com!

We have a special guest while Danny is away this week. Ken joins us to talk about music, bands, and how to make money as a trapper.

John is back this week and in addition to Tall Tales from Texas, there's talk of Vietnam era venereal disease and how actors hide their junk in sex scenes. Watch out!

Attention Wal-Mart shoppers, there is a clean up in aisle six. Dave is back with stories about getting locked out of hotel rooms, catheters and Motown. We really get into it this week as we peer behind the silicone curtain of the website that sells sex dolls. Don't forget to follow us on Twitter, @CocktaleHour.

Would life be better if we measured time in Freebirds? Should men have a set of code words to cut line in crowded restrooms? Take a listen and be sure to lodge your complaints on our Twitter account, CocktaleHour. If you are an aspiring rapper, here is your chance to write lyrics for our intro song. Check it out!

It seems that no subject is out of bounds whether we discuss high-end silicone sex dolls, measles, weed, or my favorite, the fermented Swedish fish guaranteed to make you puke. Enjoy! Remember to follow us on Twitter, @CocktaleHour.

Are you a grower or a shower? Do you know what a rusty trombone is? Dave joins us again for a nastier than usual podcast, so beware!

The revelation that John has a skunk in his yard leads to dirty dancing, Prince, prison sex and ass-to-face transplants. Don't say you weren't warned!

Welcome to a shorter format of Cocktale Hour. We talk about craftsmanship, potential upcoming guests and our bucket list of American destinations. Maybe we'll come to your town!

We discuss Lori Loughlin cheating to get her kid into USC. We also talk about strip clubs, dead bodies, and whether the Stones are better than the Beatles. Join us and don't forget to follow the podcast and comment on @cocktalehour on Twitter.

John is back this week and we talk about the magic of custom vans, how we need to get a sponsor, colonoscopies, and all the food poisoning we've experienced. Enjoy!

Yes, that's right! Dr. Hawking plays big in this one. We have a special guest on this episode, giving us a  remarkable and hilarious strip club story you won't want to miss.

Join us for our fifth episode where we discuss the Scandals of the Catholic Church and pale Indiana boys playing baseball in the sun. Contact us on Twitter at CocktaleHour or our Yahoo email, CocktaleHour at Yahoo dot com.

In this episode we discuss money. Does everyone want to be rich, and do the rich have an obligation to give their money away to make the world a better place? Also we talk about who's going to prison next and what kind of sex they will have. Caribou antlers figure in there somewhere.

In this episode we talk about frozen farts, traveling crematoriums and how our parents shaped our lives, and whether we are screwing up our own kids. We're live on Spotify, iTunes and Google Play  so follow us and comment on @cocktalehour on Twitter.

It's raining, so we talk about swinging, obviously! Our little town is a swinging hotbed. We touch on the governor of Virginia and politics in general. As we start this journey, we're taking suggestions on topics. If you feel inclined, leave your comments on Twitter @cocktalehour. Here's a photo from the cover of John's book.

Danny, Kelly and John started a podcast and we spend the first episode talking about what the name should be. Join us as we start our journey into exploring the boundaries of free speech, our ability to make a dirty joke out of anything and how it brings us together. Here's a photo of Kelly's truck.